Did you become the designated “Congregation Auntie” over night? You’re single, it seems everyone knows (or just assumes these days), and you keep getting invited to events that consist of women, children, and married couples. If you do happen to get invited to something a little more co-ed, the ratio is something like 10 or 15 women to 3 men (1 of them is taken but doesn’t know you know and is still seeking applicants, 1 of them is unattractive, and 1 of them is old enough to be your father…and he is smiling a little too hard in your direction). It’s beginning to feel like an episode of The Bachelor gone awry.
There are women you know that do throw co-ed gatherings, but they rarely invite you to them. Some of your closer girlfriends even posted pictures on social media last weekend posing next to some new men you’ve never heard them talk about…but you didn’t get an invite. They have no problem remembering to invite you to their jewelry parties, though. When you ask them why they didn’t let you know so you could come along …
“I can’t invite everyone to everything”
“I’ll let you know about the next event I go to like that”
“I was told I couldn’t bring another person”
Or, maybe they tell you about some event they heard about…and they mention details every now and then….and then you start asking for more information….next thing you know “Oh, the event already happened… I forgot to tell you because I meet so few new men and I didn’t want you to come along and mess up my chances of meeting someone , it was really nice and I had a lot of fun. I’ll tell you next time….”
But they don’t forget to invite you to go to karaoke or the apple orchard the following weekend….with “the girls”.
If you’re still reading this, you’re probably nodding like a bobble head. What can you do about this? We focus on solutions over here, so you know I’ve got you covered.
Start meeting NEW people…like yesterday. Look at your current network/circle of friends. Are there any people you can identify as outgoing, social butterflies? Reach out to them to see how they are doing (text or call). Ask if they know of any fun events happening anytime soon and let them know you’d like to get together to hang out next time they have something going on. That’s it! No need to overshare. Simply ask them to let you know if they hear of any upcoming events. Don’t just ask once. Reach out to them at least 1x per month so you stay fresh in their mind. Start with SOCIAL women in your circle (you can do this with social men as well, but if you are new to this, it’s easier to start with the women). Social people meet new people more regularly than non-social people. They will not be afraid to bring you into their circles because they aren’t operating out of scarcity.
People operating out of scarcity aren’t really your competition. They don’t understand how to create multiple opportunities. If you strategically create multiple opportunities for yourself, you automatically set yourself apart…you begin to play chess…not checkers. Most of the women around you do not have strategy….if you can learn how to strategically create many opportunities, you begin to play a completely different game than the rest.
Once I started creating options instead of letting other invite me to the all-ladies events all the time, or the events with 2 men (that all 15 women were supposed to be excited about), mu social and dating life changed a lot. Hey, I HAD a dating life!
Once, a married neighbor called me and said “hey would you like to visit us this evening? There’s a SINGLE BROTHER!” (one man was supposed to be enticing…who knows if he was attractive, available, spiritual or the right age) I told him, “Thanks, but I don’t think my boyfriend would like that.”
He said “oh” and hushed. Didn’t even know I’d caught my own fish. XD
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽Very well said. I find myself in those same situations. I am always invited to the children’s events…or the for sisters only activities. If there’s every any testosterone in the room there are usually a bunch of married brothers, brothers young enough to be my s- ahem (clears throat and gulps loudly), my younger brother or that one age appropriate single brother that’s certainly not giving me the time of day or perhaps others are eying him like that last piece of chicken on a plate amidst the hungry. Or in my case the very last cauliflower wing, since I’m vegetarian. I never want to be viewed as hungry! I guess that I need to broaden my horizons and learn to be strategic like you mentioned… Tell me more 👂🏽
Thank you! More coming!