I was recently on Facebook and happened to see an article featuring the beautiful Olympian, Lolo Jones. She’s 39 years old, accomplished, universally considered attractive, and obviously hard working and successful at her craft. She also doesn’t mind publicly sharing her beliefs regarding her traditional values and morals and how difficult it has been for her to find love while remaining a virgin. She recently posted on social media about how hard singleness has been for her and pleaded with God to send her a Godly man (screenshots in this article).
The first thing many will do is look at her appearance and think….how could SHE have a hard time dating?! I’ve skimmed through comments where I’ve seen people discussing her…and seen a mix of opinions that range from “there must be something wrong with her” to “not feminine enough” to “faith without works is dead” and even “she’s entitled”. I do not know this woman. I know what I saw posted on social media, and for her to be so open and vulnerable to the public about her trial must have taken a lot of courage. People online can be so cruel.
Let’s get into it…and remember the point of this is to LEARN, not tear down. She starts with talking about how she blocked a guy she’d been “talking to” for 8 months because he gave her so many mixed signals. He would talk about marriage and kids but then kept her in the friend zone. He would never make time to see her. When a man is interested in you, he will make time to see you. He will want to talk to you, too. It will be intentional. When a man is not trying to progress anything, he MAY still talk to you about what he thinks you want to hear because, hey, he may like talking to you and be bored. Speaking of talking, 8 months is a long time to “talk” to someone you are interested in and not have actual dates happening. This is LoLo here….it’s not like if she’s dating someone from another time zone, they don’t have the funds to make a date happen. Let this be a lesson…if you are interested in someone you are “talking to” who doesn’t make time to see you, don’t let your emotions get attached. No daydreaming! Pay attention. I’m not saying you have to cut him off…that’s up to you. I am saying that if you feel too much attachment to where you start having girlfriend-like expectations, you should at least limit your communication. Keep living your life and keep socializing.
Lolo goes on to say she’s continually asked God to honor her with a Godly man. She says she’s prayed for years and with many tears for God to allow her to find a husband and that if God did not want her to be married to remove the desire from her heart. I’ve heard similar feelings from many women. I think this is where a lot of confusion enters. I remember when I was single and I prayed about marriage…but I knew it did not stop there. I had to combine prayer with action. I knew after reading about how other people in the Bible found mates (like Ruth and Isaac), that action was needed, and that action was actually blessed. I’ve noticed people will say they pray to find someone, and then not actually do work required to meet a mate. They might actually do a bunch of work that isn’t even related to finding someone, and then they get frustrated, angry, blame God, or even feel hopeless. Let me give you an example. I met a girl years ago who had a great time hanging out with some new friends she met. There was a guy in the group she thought was cool. They both said they should hang out again sometime, and then went their separate ways. I asked her if they exchanged numbers. She said no. So, I asked “how will you guys hang out again?” She blinked a few times and then short circuited. She felt it was the guy’s job to ask for her number. We aren’t even talking about dating. We haven’t gotten there, yet. We can’t even begin to get there because she did not know she was missing opportunities to just meet new people (especially men) her age.
I would also ask Lolo what kind of people she spends the majority of her time around. I’d ask if she hangs with people who share the same morals and values as her. If she does, I’d ask if she is hanging around eligible single people who share her views. It wouldn’t make sense to be looking in a pool of people who don’t share the beliefs that mean so much to her. If she values Godly men who share her same views, wouldn’t it make sense to surround herself with these types of men when she’s looking instead of surrounding herself with people that may not fit her criteria and then wishing God will do the rest of the work that’s actually for her to do? I would help her to come up with a plan of action that would get her surrounded by what she wants.
I would also tell her to vent to close friends she trusts instead of social media. By posting her vulnerable feelings, she will attract all kinds of attention along with opportunists who may take what she is saying and try to use it against her for their own benefit. She doesn’t need that in her life.
